| Bloody hell. |
[Sep 7th] |
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How dare you do this to me. You will rue this day. 1. The person who tagged you is?
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) shini02
2. Your relationship with him/her is?
Long time friend.
3. Your first impression of him/her is?
I don't really remember. Probably intrigued due to her abnormal interest in me.
4. The most memorable thing he/she has done for you is?
Let me watch all her VHS recordings of Stairway to Heaven and bought me The Crow.
5. The most memorable thing he/she has said to you is?
Sang a song in sing song fashion.
6. If he/she becomes your lover, you will?
We're better as friends.
7. If he/she became your lover, what should he/she improve at?
Like I said, better as friends, but she could do with learning not to be so timid (and no, nervous breakdowns don't count!).
8. If he/she becomes your enemy, what would you do?
I don't know, bite her?
9. If he/she became your enemy, the reason will be?
She called me fat.
10. The thing you most want to do for him/her now is?
Teach her to be mean.
11. Your overall impression of him/her is?
Very intelligent and creative and flawed in her own special, beautiful way.
12. How do you think people around you will feel about you?
I don't get it. Will feel? I demand context.
13. The characteristic you love most about yourself is?
None.
14. On the contrary, the characteristic you hate most about yourself is?
Nothing is perfect.
15. The most ideal person you want to be is?
Eric. Dead and homicidal, what more can you ask for?
16. For people that care & like you, say something to them.
Oh christ, this is going to get mushy now?
17. Pass this quiz to 10 people who you want to know how they feel about you.
I refuse, so let's just assume my list of 10 consists entirely of Amanda.
18. Who is No.6 having a relationship with?
Too many to count.
19. Is No.9 a male or a female?
Female.
20. If No.7 and No.10 are together, would it be a good thing?
Amanda would be great for Amanda.
21. What is No.2 studying about?
Does fanfiction count?
22. When was the last time you had a chat with No.3?
If email counts, just recently.
23. What kind of music band does No.8 like?
What kind of music band? I'm sorry that's just funny.
24. Does No.1 have any siblings?
Not that I recall.
25. Will you woo No.3?
I do not "woo".
26. How about No.7?
Stop asking me to woo.
27. Is No.4 single?
Define single.
28. What is the surname of No.5?
Millsted.
29. What is the hobby of No.10?
Animals...writing...anime...etc...
30. Do No.5 and No.9 get along well?
Amanda usually gets along with Amanda pretty well but not always.
31. Where is No.2 studying?
Canadia.
32. Talk something casual about No.1.
Talk something casual? Amanda, where did you get this?
33. Have you tried developing feelings for No.6?
Yeah, we've been down that road.
34.Where does No.9 live?
I told you she's in Canada
35. What colour does No.4 like?
Red.
36. Are No.1 and No.5 best friends?
Amanda just adores Amanda.
37. Does No.1 have any pets?
A buttload.
38. Is No.7 the sexiest person alive?
Could be.
39. What is No.6 doing now?
Dealing with stupidity.
40. What reminds you of No. 8?
Several things.
Now quit tagging me for stupid memes before I destroy you!
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| Fear is for the enemy. |
[Aug 22nd] |
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"He screams and screams and pounds his head against the wall until phantom fire trucks race across his vision. All he wants is pain. Pain and hate. Yes, hate. But never fear. Fear is for the enemy."
Many times in my life, people close to me have commented on my nature. They describe me as broken, as if I was some machine struggling to function properly. Some have questioned my emotions and whether or not I feel them as I should, if I feel them at all. I've been called hollow and told I was missing something vital to living a "healthy" life.
This couldn't be further from the truth.
I have always felt emotions very intensely. I loved my family, friends and the entire spectrum of humanity as a martyr ready to carry the burden of the world on his lonely shoulders, but I hated them all as well for the sick disease that they are and continue to proliferate. I have often described my outlook as being torn between wanting to save the world or watch it burn down in flames.
To survive I forced myself to bury these emotions away so they became a lowly blur of pain inside me as they tried to claw their way back out. Sometimes they do, the little devils, but they always go back soon after. I can handle pain, and even hate. They drive me and without them the world would seem almost too quiet. Sometimes I believe I consume myself with these things so that someone else doesn't have to feel them, as if it's my duty to endure.
This brokenness is my strength and this pain is the nobility in my blood. I carry it as my personal testament to what I believe in, whether others understand it or not. In fact, I hope they don't. I hope they hate me for it.
But I also hope that no one takes for granted the emotion that comes with humanity. Some may argue that human emotion is a monster, but this is not true. Emotion is beautiful and a force that can not be stopped by bullets or knives. It is what we as human beings do with it that defines it. Don't take it for granted, even the little feelings. Do not fear. No matter how dark and deep that chasm you stare into every night in your mind when you close your eyes to sleep is, do not fear. Fear is for the enemy who does not understand.
"He screams and screams and pounds his head against the wall until phantom fire trucks race across his vision. All he wants is pain. Pain and hate. Yes, hate. But never fear. Fear is for the enemy."
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| Mineral accident. |
[Aug 2nd] |
| [ |
mood |
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 amused |
] |
"At our human limits, when we've gone as far as our bodies and imagination can take us, we meet the eternal ones. The powers that built our flesh out of the mineral accidents of creation and that are now building our individual fates out of time and the accidents of our hearts."
The screen name "Mineral Accident", which I have adopted as my own, came from this passage found at the back of The Crow, written by A. A. Attanasio. This small section in particular stood out to me because of how it describes the human condition.
According to this, we are mistakes that came as a consequence of creation. Not unlike a chemical mistake in a laboratory, the forces of nature, in their endeavors to create, mixed the wrong minerals together and from this mistake came humanity. A race of mineral accidents that pushed their way into existence against the will of nature.
Humanity becoming a force unto itself, unable to be undone, was then incorporated. Mineral accidents were crafted flesh to wear, but this was not enough. Our accidental hearts, beating forcefully, demanded fates of our own, and so they were built. Some fair, some not; some beautiful and some ugly.
And at our individual end, the death of these accidental hearts we hold on to so bitterly, we meet our human limits. The limit of our physical bodies and the culmination of all our thoughts, beliefs, morals, dreams and creativity. The force of our accidental creation pushes us past our mortal limits and into eternity.
"Though we had inertia and radius and depth, we took the last train with velocity and passed our own deaths."
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| Vertigo. |
[Jul 23rd] |
| [ |
mood |
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 artistic |
] |
"Around around the sun we go, the moon goes round the earth. We do not die of death, we die of vertigo!"
Several have asked me to "blog", their reasons I can't imagine. I usually shrug them off, never having enough confidence in my fingers to translate my thoughts well enough to write anything. One should always be careful what they wish for.
Vertigo. Yes, vertigo. For those who don't know, vertigo refers to the sensation of spinning despite the fact that an individual is standing still. A phantom movement making us reel and become sick. The concept is so popular that even Alfred Hitchcock used it in one of his most popular films of the same name.
The earth goes round the sun, and the moon goes round the earth. Society, culture - the entire world around us - goes round and round, shifting and changing while we stand still.
Wars start and stop. Children are born while others die. Leaders rise and leaders fall. All while we stand still.
Celebrities are watched, acting stupid on TV, while the homeless and hungry are forgotten. Generic bands stamped out with cookie cutters shaped to trends overshadow real musicians that play with their scars and sing with their broken hearts for nobody but themselves. All while we stand still.
We do not die of death, we die of vertigo.
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| Another new video |
[Nov 5th] |
| [ |
mood |
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accomplished |
] |
This time for one of my favorite movies, Equilibrium, set to The Killer's "Read my Mind". Check it out if you please.
Read my Mind...
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| New AMV |
[Nov 5th] |
Made a new AMV for Amanda, and for myself because I adore Rip van Winkle and The Captain from the Hellsing OVA. It's set to the Goo Goo Dolls "Slide" and yes, I've coupling them. They're too perfect for each other not to I say. And since it involves Rip, it gets my sexy icon as always for her...
Check it out.
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| My Temple |
[Oct 28th] |
I'm standing at the doorway to the world that's after next,
With a numbness in my eyes and a pressure in my chest,
The thing I call my hand runs a finger down the door,
And a voice from somewhere else tells me that I want much more
A mirror by the doorway lends to me a foreign face,
And through the eyes, a soul, that seems to have no place,
My fingers reach and touch it as I search for what it is,
But the reasons, they elude me, why this body is now his
How sad when existence, has lost a reason to exist,
When life has died to silence, left the beating in his wrist,
Weak from sorrow's cruel disease, the loneliest embrace,
As he watches all the color slowly dissolving from his face
God made him a temple, but He left it to itself,
Therefore this man then decorated, his temple by himself,
With demons that are hungry for the beauty that is life,
And black roses with their ugly thorns, ever always rife
Suffocatingly cold, this temple now becomes,
Where feeling falters in and soon it does succumb,
Where he sits deeply in the heart, in silence, all alone,
And around him has the temple formed for him a kingly throne
Now staring at this doorway, to a world that comes in time,
With a key held in his right hand, just like a poet's rhyme,
He'll turn the lock and push beyond, from the nothingness he knows,
And hopefully he'll find escape, wherever that he goes
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| New fic |
[Oct 22nd] |
| [ |
mood |
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 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Mindless Self Indulgence - Faggot |
] |
Finally finished a fic I've been working on for a few weeks now. It's my idea of how Heero and Duo from Gundam Wing formed a relationship together, since it seems that hasn't really been explored. Enjoy.
Don't Have to be Alone
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| Random poetry revisited |
[Oct 14th] |
| [ |
mood |
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 angry |
] |
The title says it all. Time to catalog a few more poems of mine on this lovely little journal because I have nothing to better to do. It's 4 am, I have no life, and I can't sleep. Sue me.
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| Never Wash Clean |
[Sep 25th] |
| [ |
mood |
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accomplished |
] |
I swore I hated the idea of this couple. I loathed it. But damned if Amanda didn't make me love it anyways. I speak of none other then Heero x Duo. And yes, this is indeed that so called mild slash fic of them in their apartment together. Duo is drinking again to try and ease the memories that plague him, and Heero tells him the cold truth about their situation.
I really don't have much else to say, so I shall leave the rest to your eyes. And to Amanda: critique this one too. Tear into me for any mistakes I make.
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| Mikey x Leo Fic |
[Sep 20th] |
| [ |
mood |
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melancholy |
] |
Well, I edited my very first original fan fic ever and have prepared it for debut here. It's short and sweet, but it gets the point I wanted across.
It's an untitled Mikey x Leo fic surrounding Leonardo going to train, and he and his brothers having to cope with him leaving. Especially Mikey.
Have a taste.
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| Turtlecest |
[Sep 11th] |
| [ |
mood |
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accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Fall Out Boy - Hum Hallelujah |
] |
Well Amanda will be happy to hear I finished my first draft of the Mikey x Leo fic she requested. I'm going to spend tomorrow editing it when I can look at it with fresh eyes after sleeping, but I have my doubts it's that good. It's my first official fic, after all. I think I'll try and finish a first draft of my Heero x Duo fic tonight as well.
Guinness makes me a happy and productive mineral accident, good times. (Yeah, I said Guinness. Certain people don't like that. Well guess what, I'm not perfect, and I'm nothing special. Life sucks and I don't care anymore. Welcome to my hell.)
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| Poetry + In the works... |
[Sep 10th] |
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As the subject would imply, this is about what's in the works and also a poem or two I feel like posting, since I might as well catalog some of my poetry here too...
Began work on a turtlecest fic for Amanda featuring Mikey and Leo from TMNT, of course. Got a little ways but it's not nearly finished, not to mention the editing I'm sure I'll have to do tomorrow. Also worked on a GW fic I started while visiting Amanda, which I deny to be Heero x Duo (Damn you Amanda for making me like that pairing, you're still going to rue this...).
Well, I'm quite sleepy now from the Guinness I had, so I'll slide that poetry I promised under a cut and go pass out now.
Enjoy.
Why thank you, I will.
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| Two new videos |
[Sep 10th] |
First, an old AMV...in fact, the first one I ever made. Since I decided to upload it, I might as well catalog it here as well.
Gundam Wing: Run to Me
Second, a new MV I spent the last two days putting together. It's a RaphaelxLeonardo MV from the 2007 TMNT movie, depicting their struggle and underlying love for each other.
TMNT: That's What You Get
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| Introduction |
[Sep 7th] |
| [ |
mood |
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melancholy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Snow Patrol |
] |
I'll get straight to the point. I made this livejournal to post my creative endeavors, which mainly include things I write and amv's/mv's I make. I may post a personal thing about my life every now and then, but those will mostly be few.
If you like the things I make, you're more then welcome to comment about them or friend me to keep track of them. I don't mind meeting new people...humanity is the most complex and terrifying thing in existence, yet it's more interesting then anything else I've found.
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